Rainbows, Butterflies and My Breastfeeding Saga

Being true to you, authentically you, the loudest you - is the greatest gift you can offer the world.

I suppose since my pregnancy and delivery was magical even with eh hum, hemorrhoids, and two tears, it’s only natural my post-birth plan would go awry... (I intentionally mention hemorrhoids at this point in the post so you can stop reading now if you think it's TMI ;)

God, grant me the serenity.

I gave birth Thursday, May 23rd at 6:26pm. Within the hour, baby had a successful latch and our lactation consultants were pleased w/ the outlook for little man.

We were released from the hospital Saturday afternoon. I’d visited w/ lactation each day, and everything looked good (Except my bleeding, cracked nipples and the toe curling, take-your-breath-away pain that accompanied feeding times).

By Sunday afternoon at home, little guy was frustrated, unusually fussy, no longer latching and had very little urine output and no bowel movements. Then he spiked a fever of 100.8 - the on call pediatri…

Our Birthing Story

Lennon Lake was born 5/23/19 at 6:26pm EST - 38w 6d
My mom flew in from Nebraska Tuesday, 5/21; JC and I’s third Wedding Anniversary. I began oiling myself {more} w/ rose hip, frankincense, and clary sage. Massaging my feet. Wednesday we toured Lennon’s future daycare and colleagues threw me a shower. I also had a doctors appointment where I learned my cervix was, “long, hard and thick.” - “Shut down for business,” so I thought. An induction was scheduled for the 5th of June. I was experiencing a lot of nerve pain up my spine and felt so disheartened by the appointment. We had dinner at my Mother-in-Law’s, and I drank a small amount of castor oil w/ warm orange juice, followed by peppermint tea and a long walk... Could be wives' tale; could’ve worked! — I got the recipe from my neighbor who has a 1yr old. She too thought baby would come late and her MIL gave her the “cocktail.”

Contractions started at 4am 5/23, Thursday morning. By 6am contractions were  four minutes apart, 45-60…

How to Save a Life

I'm not sure why I stopped blogging about my recovery. Maybe because I started believing that it's not a topic that should be shared openly, shamelessly. Heaven forbid someone not like me.

The best thing we can ever do in this life is be true to who we are. This means all the things that make us uniquely individual - to include our flaws and sometimes the things we don't want the world to see.

I just had the BEST weekend, and I spent so many moments overflowing with gratitude for my life.

My Chinese roommate from the Arhanta Yoga Ashram in India was visiting the US for the first time, so I went up to NYC to see her. We ate yummy vegan food, went to yoga and walked around shopping for things I couldn't afford. I stayed the night with one of my best friends from High School. We laughed and talked in the way it feeds your soul. I soaked in the views from her apartment, we ate brunch on the water front, I went to a flea market in the city where I bought more healing cryst…

Supporting the Buddhist Theory of Anatman, or Not-Self

Let me preface this by saying I love Jesus. I believe he incarnated and died for our sake. You can say I'm a Christian, after all, I have been baptized, commune and have been through Lutheran Confirmation. However, my beliefs and spiritual experience is to wide and deep to be confined to any box that is religion.

I am currently enrolled in a free course at Princeton University called, "Buddhism and Modern Psychology." What follows is my mid-term assignment: The Buddha makes the claim, which may draw some support from modern psychology, that the self does not exist. Describe the self that the Buddha says does not exist and explain the Buddha's principal argument against it. Do you agree or disagree with the Buddha’s argument that this kind of self doesn’t exist? Or are you unable to take a position? Give two specific reasons for your view, and explain why your reasons support either the existence of the self or the non-existence of the self, or why they explain why y…

5 Things I Wish People Knew About Alcoholism

1. It's a disease classified by The Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders. 

The definition of disease is as follows: a disorder of structure or function in a human, animal, or plant, especially one that produces specific signs or symptoms or that affects a specific location* and is not simply a direct result of physical injury.

*The location in this instance being the brain.

2. It can be considered an allergy. 

Definitions of allergy: A) altered bodily reactivity (such as hypersensitivity) to an antigen in response to a first exposure. B) exaggerated or pathological immunological reaction to substances, situations, or physical states that are without comparable effect on the average individual.

According to William D. Silkworth, M.D. a prominent physician who specialized in the treatment of alcoholism, the action of alcohol in alcoholics is the manifestation of an allergy; the phenomenon of craving that develops is limited to this class and never occurs in those who …

The "Shred" in Review

“When diet is wrong, medicine is of no use. When diet is correct, medicine is of no need.” ~Ancient Ayurvedic Proverb 

Every 35 days, your skin replaces itself and your body makes new cells from the food you eat. What you eat literally becomes YOU. This is my why -- This is why Juice Plus is so important to me. I'm among the 75% of Americans who fall short of 5-13 servings of fruits and veggies a day - even when I try my best! Juice Plus bridges the gap between what I should be eating and what I actually eat; it's whole food based nutrition, including juice powder concentrates from 30 different fruits, vegetables and grains. Plus soil erosion has lead to nutrient depletion, so today's grocery store tomato isn't exactly the same as the tomato farmed for Juice Plus, but that's a whole other blog.

Shred 10 was new for me, but as a part of the Juice Plus family, I saw the value. I didn't lose any weight, but I noticed an increase in my energy, especially in the aft…

Confessions: A Former Model's Food Diary

No Sugar, No Gluten, No Dairy... My 10 Day "Shred" Begins...

Throughout my teenage years I struggled with bulimia - I started modeling when I was 10, and my obsession with food, restricting and purging became a big problem. My face was always bloated. Blood vessels in and around my eyes were burst. I was in NYC for an event with my agency, and in my hotel room, my mom heard me throwing up after I turned the shower on. It wasn't long after, by the grace of God, I managed to stop the cycle of binging and purging.

In college, counting calories, diet pills and exercising 3 hours a day became my obsession. When my drinking and partying escalated from 2011 -2014 I lost a lot of weight. I liked that, plus how alcohol made me feel. I began my sober journey in 2014.

(This was 2012-ish, I weighed a little over 100lbs, at 5'6")
Controlling food was considered an "old way of thinking" - so since 2014, I really haven't made any attempts to control my weight (e…