When Meditation Backfires, Fire Back

A regular silent meditation practice has powerfully transformed my life. It's the time I take to listen to God. In those still, quiet moments, I often receive creative insight or divine inspiration.




About 6 months ago, I felt as if I was walking hand in hand with the spirit of the universe. After a long period of meditation, a flame was lit within and a fire began to burn, fueling me to write "My Truth" and reveal "What's Under My Yoga Pants" - believing that my willingness to be vulnerable might help or encourage someone also struggling with addiction, alcoholism, anxiety or depression to not be ashamed. To get help. Have hope. That things can change... I shared the blogs on my personal social media pages in a humble, brave and courageous effort put myself out there, somehow for a greater good. 

And despite my intended message - that no one is perfect, mistakes are a part of life, and the world needs more acceptance, compassion, togetherness and love to heal - I was judged, criticized, and fired from teaching yoga at the University of Nebraska Campus Rec Center for sharing the posts. 

At first, I stood strong in my convictions and remained positive. And over time, the scars began to harden my heart towards God. This took a toll on my mediation and devotional time with my higher power... I know I'm not forsaken; I'm in the hands of my creator, and his plan for me is far greater and more magnificent than I could even dream... but feeling angry, resentful, and hurt, I resisted. And over {a few months} time, my daily meditations dwindled to guarded prayers. 

Newly conscious of my lack of meditation time and aware my inner peace was rocking... I've returned to meditation. My sobriety can't afford a tumultuous mind. And slowly my trust, faith and belief in God's plan is rebuilding. I'm realizing that part of the beauty in this journey is that we only get to see one day unfold at a time. We get to experience every brush stroke, shadow and line of contrast that ultimately designs the portrait of our destiny. It's still hard for me fully embrace the difficult times, pain, struggle and hardship, but with dedicated meditation, it's easier for me to trust. To let go, and remain faithful everything is a part of a bigger picture. 

Days back in the routine of things, and I can already more clearly see my life is filled with synchronicity, meaningful coincidences that assure me God's guiding me. Angels surround and protect me. Everything is as it should be. Meditation is compelling - Keep trying. 

P.S. Today I am 8 months clean from any mind altering substance, still sober and trudging the road of a happy recovery :) Thank you for reading all this, and if you take anything from it - don't give up! 




Comments

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