Struggling with Addiction and Alcoholism

It would be really nice to have a glass of wine with dinner. I miss having cocktails with friends, and holidays, like Halloween, make me miss letting loose and "having fun."

Those are no longer privileges of mine though, unfortunately. You see, I am bodily and mentally different from others. I have a genetic predisposition (nature), plus my environment throughout life has contributed (nurture) - whatever, it's who I am. I respond to alcohol different from my fellows; I'm essentially allergic, except instead of it being like an allergy to strawberries, for instance, I'm judged harshly for it - and it can wreck havoc on not only my life, but my families as well when/if I choose to consume it. Also - I have a mind that prioritizes alcohol over basic living needs for survival, and a body that craves it. Do people who are allergic to strawberries have strong cravings and a mental obsession for them? I'm not sure, but I doubt when people who are allergic to strawberries eat one, the physical and mental response triggered is, "Eat more, more, MORE - At all costs, eat MORE!"

Addiction/alcoholism can also be compared to other diseases, like, diabetes. Except instead of monitoring my blood sugar, I have to keep a conscious eye on my spiritual condition.  Yes - the treatment for alcoholism (that works for me), aside from entire abstinence from mind altering substances, is spiritual* in nature.

Well, I suppose now, that's cool. At least for me - I've been loving all things spiritual* since I was a child and communicated with departed souls in my sleep... What's also neat is that if I choose to accept it, I have free access to a loving and understanding community of others (AA) I can connect with, who support me and will, under almost any circumstances be there for me - even if I've burned all the other bridges in my life, say with family, because of the disease.

Since I worked my twelve steps back in December of 2015, I've experienced some what of a psychic change as a direct result of a spiritual experience. I've come to know and understand God in a way that cannot be "unknown." And now, with commitment to my recovery, some action and dedicated faith to this higher power I've developed a relationship with - I have a new freedom from the insanity of addiction. Also, proof of this "higher consciousness" working in my life.

The blessings of recovery and commitment to spiritual growth are ten fold. In ten months, I quit a stressful job, started my own business, traveled, planned a wedding, got married, honeymooned, raised a furchild, obtained a Mastery of Meditation, started sponsoring others in AA (I believe part of my life's purpose), and in less than a month from today, I will be at an Ashram, spiritual heritage, and traditional yoga school in India (a dream come true) obtaining my Advanced 500 Hour Registered Yoga Teacher Training.

Yoga is my passion, my talent, my medicine, therapy, exercise - air, basically. It helps my anxiety, depression, body image, arthritis (from Lyme Disease); and BONUS yoga is a spiritual* path - a disciplined practice of sacred union to bring me closer to God, Jesus, Buddha, Brahman - whatever you want to call this supreme consciousness - thereby, it also helps my recovery. My asana practice has also grown exponentially in the last ten months that I've been clean (no marijuana) and sober too. Each new pose I learn/can get into is a "high" for me. I'm love drunk on yogi life.

One of the things alcohol stole from me was my self-esteem, my confidence and self-worth. I have that back today. I'm at peace with who I am. I'm proud of my life (and Instagram page @YOGAbyBrittney ;) ;) I'm comfortable in my skin. And nothing, and no one can claim my serenity but me.

* “Religion is belief in someone else's experience. Spirituality is having your own experience.” ― Deepak Chopra